Phillip Island 1 & 2 May 2004

IPRA Nationals - E30 Round 2

Report by the Spin Doctor

The weather report said showers (they didn’t mean Phil, though he did come), rain and hail - and so it did! Nonetheless, three intrepid E30 Racers (Geoff Bowles, Neil Anderson and Dr Spin) turned up for practice on the Friday joined in the afternoon by Graeme Bell (cunningly after the rain, earning him the title of Weather Bell!). Bowlesy was there to practice, fine tune and study the track in his usual methodical way, while Ando (The Perfectionist) was wanting to see if the engine he had personally put together after some engineering refinements would actually go (it did, apart from one worrying episode, but more on that later). Dr Spin was there to get some time in his E30 as he had only driven it twice, and they were on the two race days of Round One of the racing calendar. He didn’t feel he really needed to check out the circuit as he had become intimately acquainted with it on a previous occasion and had made a great impression (in the vicinity of turn 12, only just now beginning to fade). Graeme was there to practice and fine-tune his further modified E30 (those separate throttle bodies and inlet trumpets sure look impressive under that bonnet), and to iron out any technical glitches (like a water leak that required a visit back to his workshop on the Saturday night). Times during the Friday practice were predictably slow, what with the cold, windy weather and the wet track, and there were a number of “offs” during the day. Not only did we have to contend with the track, but also the intimidating sight of screaming, popping turbocharged RX7s, or V8 Falcons looming in the mirrors and overtaking or undertaking at insane speeds, and then disappearing in a dense mist of spray.

Saturday was bleak cold and windy, and it had rained most of the night, making the off track areas very slippery and dangerous. A brief break in the showers was followed by more rain and just before lunch by hail for heaven’s sake. The early morning was punctuated by the repeated arrivals for the race meeting: Improved production cars, Formula V and Superkarts, all having their own races in conjunction with the IPRA Nationals. The rest of the E30 Racers arrived, Phil Showers, the 2003 Champion David “Sleepy” Knight and Andrew “No Fear” Fuller, joining The Intrepid Three in adjacent shared garages. After the unloading of cars from trailers and the preliminary tinkering and car preparation, the usual socialising and throwing down of gauntlets proceeded for some time (interspersed with scrutineering in the garages, which was nice). The bleating of new boy Dr Spin, who kept rabbiting on about “aren’t we meant to be at the compulsory driver briefing right now?” were ignored, and, hey, you guys should know, you’ve all done it sooo many times before. Several red-faced racers were subsequently taken to task and reprimanded, getting a special briefing under sufferance. Meanwhile, Stephen Mattingly had arrived, sharing a garage with Graeme down the other end of the Pits, and notable outside the garage for the haze of smoke around his head bowed against the wind and rain – thought he was coming to the (Cigarette) Drags. His car looked good, sporting a nice new spoiler.

Come 9am , all auditory hell broke loose: the roar of V8 engines in hollow tin garages, the Brraaaattt, Brraaaattt of those crazy rotaries, and the comparatively muted growl of the E30s, to say nothing of the frenetic scream of the Karts warming up, sounding like a kindergarten of baby F1 cars. Official Practice commenced amidst the wind, the rain and the hail. What was that song, “slip sliding away…? There were cars off the track every where, things only improving when the track started to dry briefly between showers. Speaking of which, Phil gave a great demonstration of Car Ballet over Hayshed way, and I had a front row seat as he pirouetted gracefully through, was that 720 degrees? Not wishing to leave him looking foolish, Dr Spin decided to take the four-wheel drive route after slithering down from Lukey Heights and overshooting MG corner – didn’t even start to turn. There were probably lots of whoopsies, but the other guys never owned up.

And then came qualifying: first the Superkarts, then Formula Vee and finally Improved Production Odd numbers and Even numbers. Initial qualifying times were not bad, considering the cold, windy conditions and the moist track. Of course, Fearless went right out there and cracked two minutes, straight up, followed by Sleepy 1/10 th second behind. Ando was next with a 2:00.7842, just pipping Geoff Bowles (The Methodical) on 2:00.8428 followed by “Smokey” Mattingly, while Graeme lagged behind (probably technical problems, considering his later scintillating lap times during racing). Then came the “Also Rans”: a very tentative Not the Rain Man Showers, short on bum in seat time in his pucker black racer, and finally the Spin Doctor, having trouble with his rear vision mirrors so having to occasionally turn the car backwards to see who was following (nobody much!). Lap time-wise, it was pretty much down hill from then onwards as the heavens opened, and the cars skidded all over the track. All the best times occurred in the opening Qualifying Rounds. Ando had a miss and loss of power from his engine during the latter qualifying session, but all seemed to come good and the engine seemed to check out OK back in the Pits.

Lunch was held in-house, err garage, Julie and Jacqui providing much appreciated refreshments. Whenever Fearless Fuller was to be seen, it was always with something in his mouth – does he ever stop eating? A Lean Mean Eating Machine – s’pose he’s got to keep the fuel up. The Showers kids were there too, the little one providing much appreciated aural relief by occasionally drowning out the raspy rap of the revolving rotaries and the raucus roar of next door’s V8, with her own shrill serenade of sonic proportions!

The field in Improved Production was divided into four groups A, B, C & D, and the first Race was Groups A & B, including Geoff Bowles, Graeme Bell, David Knight and Neil Anderson. Only two made it to the end of the race, Ando withdrawing on the first lap with engine trouble, and David bringing his body-modified E30 into the pits after lap 4, having been T-boned by an over-aggressive opponent who shall remain nameless (a Gray day indeed!). His E30 looked quite comely, with its attempted Banglesque flame-surfaced passenger door modification. Fortunately, no structural damage was found and he was able to race without impediment. Bowlesy pipped Graeme with a 2:18.9757, in a race notable for its wet conditions and slow times. Meanwhile back at the pits, a bitterly disappointed Ando was going over his car with a fine-toothed err, socket wrench, trying to find that Gremlin that had robbed him of his much-anticipated dice with Geoff. Dr Spin, The Theoretical Diagnostician, harking back to the medical aphorism that “common things occur commonly”, and being aware that bench-testing of the engine on Ando’s dynamometer had revealed a Glitch (close relative of the Gremlin) with the crank angle sensor, suggested “Could it be the crank angle sensor? “ And so it was. See, Medical School wasn’t such a waste of time. Neil had a word with Graeme, who was able to bring back said item the following morning, after which the engine sang and roared smoothly for the rest of the Meeting, justifying The Perfectionist’s expenses in getting that Engine Makeover.

Race Two, between groups C & D, involved Andrew Fuller, Stephen Mattingly, Phillip Showers and Dr Spin, with a brief but impressive appearance by Pop Weather Group “Wet, Wet, Wet”. Lap times were way slow. Fearless came 13 th with a 2.18.7355, followed by Phil and, finally, Dr Spin, ahead of a Mazda RX7 driven by a distinguished elderly gent, and two DNFs. Back at the pits there was much adjusting, fiddling, jacking and tyre pressure reading, interspersed with the usual banter, rhubarbing and general disinformation (“sure, those pads will last out the meeting, they always make that scraping noise”). Meanwhile back at the Anchor and Waves, long, languid spas were the order of the day, after the gruelling time of tackling the track and being tantalised by the treacherous tarmac. Dinner at a local eatery rounded out the day nicely, the meal certainly a welcome relief from the disastrous fare experienced at a different restaurant on the Friday evening, when three meals were sent back, one twice!

Sunday dawned grey, wet and windy, after a night of torrential rain. At the track throughout the day, the rain was horizontal, so if you crouched below the wall on the observation deck you would stay dry, only to get a faceful of stinging, freezing rain as you peeked over to catch a glimpse of the cars when you heard them coming down the straight. Neil had an abundance of Pit Crew arrive on both the Saturday and Sunday, but he was especially chuffed and surprised to see Jenny and two of his girls brave the weather to support him in his Quest for Motorsport Fame. Race three, Groups A & C contained Fuller, Bell , Knight, Anderson and Dr Spin, on the grid ahead of Sleepy and Ando courtesy of their DNFs in the previous day’s race. Sleepy lay behind Dr Spin, much to his chagrin because when those lights went out, Dr Spin (did I tell you how it wasn’t my fault because the clutch master cylinder was failing and the clutch was barely in? Spin-Doctor, indeed!). Despite this, Sleepy recovered and stayed ahead of Ando (sorry Neil, I tried to help), coming third behind Graeme and Fearless, this time on a drier track with faster lap times. Andrew lapped a 1:59.6911 and Dr Spin was close behind (Not!) with a 2:03.3399, still ahead of five other cars (well one, and 4 DNFs). The next race was Groups B & D, with Bowles and Showers doing battle, but I don’t know how this panned out as I was busy getting the front tyres replaced because one was flat-spotted and they were both too worn for the next imminent shower anyway. Oh yes, I also had to replace those front disc pads – funny, they stopped scraping then. All I know about the race is that when it was over, a furious Geoff came in seething over an unnecessary “tap” from that self same person that was involved with Sleepy’s door modification. A protest was entered by both parties and the offender was eventually rebuked officially. But the real poetic justice came in the last race when Bowlesy held off said person to cross the finish line ahead of her, to the cheers of the E30 clan.

Two more races came at 1200 and 1220 PM, between showers and on a drying track, Andrew recording a 1:58.6502 to Geoff’s 2:00.9623 and Dr Spin’s best time of 2:00.5669 in the 1220PM race. In the 1200 noon race, Graeme with a 1:55.7218 led Stephen, followed by the E30 group’s David, Phil and Neil. The top 32 cars qualified for the final race, joined by the first four from the Consolation Race. Bell, Mattingly and Bowles made it to the Final Race, while Neil just missed out in joining them by coming in fifth. Ando claims he would never have let that Volvo pass him if he’d known he was in with a chance at fourth – Yeah, right! Bloody Volvo driver. Behind Neil were Phil, Dr Spin and David, followed by three others and two DNFs. The final race was run in the wet, a Subaru revelling in the conditions, leading for almost half the race until the track started to dry out a little, and he lost it on a corner. Andrew was right up there when it was wet, but lost his cornering advantage to the sheer power of some of the other competitors as the track dried out. The RX7 of Leanne Ferrier took the lead about halfway through the race, and only coming onto the drying straight did she cede the lead to the storming Ford Falcon V8 of Ray Hislop, who took the chequered flag. Graeme performed commendably, but still no match for the straight-line power of the other non-E30 competitors, while Geoff, our only E30 Racing representative in The Big Final Race held off Lauren Gray in the Toyota Corolla and Stephen brought up the rear.

n summary, despite the atrocious weather conditions, a great time was had by all, the E30 competitors and their cars arrived and left in one piece, and friendships and sporting rivalries were made. Thanks to all fellow competitors, pit crews and support persons and spectators. Looking forward to the next meeting, this time with brakes and a clutch that works!